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The QueueJun 22, 2021 12:00 pm CT

The Queue: Explosions!

So, since I like to pretend I’m a good parent on Instagram, I’ve been trying to include a bunch of one-off STEM experiments and crafts in my kids’ summertime fun. Ice cream in a bag and fluffy slime were hits, but the former came with a lot of complaining that their arms were going to fall off, and fluffy slime, well, we make slime all the time, but without the shaving cream, which made it smell weird, and ugh, can’t we just play Roblox, mom?

But last week, we exploded soap in the microwave, and now they’re demanding more explosions. On the one hand, I can’t exactly blame them, but on the other hand, I feel like I’ve crossed a terrible threshold in their little lizard brains.

This the The Queue, where if you ask us questions we’ll take long enough to answer for this comically large fuse to burn down. Oh, nothing important, be chill.


MOVEWOW

Q4tQ: In looking at the 9.1 raid it seems to be comprised of the Jailer’s main forces. If we defeat them all who will be left for raids in 9.2 and 9.3? My guess for a while has been that we’re heading to a whole new realm outside of Shadowlands. Th Jail has been a busy guy. It’s just not the Shadowlands or Azeroth he’s been busy with.

Your guess is a good one. For a long time, the trajectory of the final couple patches has been, at least to me, pretty tough to guess looking at it from the first patch. While a faceoff with an Old God was somewhat foreshadowed in BfA, it would’ve been pretty likely to end in some kind of A v H battle royale, too. I wouldn’t have guessed Garrosh would be the final boss of MoP, or that we’d go to Argus, literally ever. Hell, I wouldn’t ever have guessed they’d drag Illidan’s battered carcass around a few dozen continents and realities in the events between Warlords and Legion.

In hindsight the foreshadowing becomes a lot more obvious, of course. It only makes sense that we’d eventually take the fight right to the doorstep of the Burning Legion, where ever that may be. Of course Garrosh was headed for a fall on a continent which severely punishes strong negative emotion. It’s natural that we’d have to deal with freeing AU Gul’dan eventually, and him weaseling his way back into the Iron Horde was really the only option if he wanted any power over people (and it’s Gul’dan, of course he did). But when you’re in it, the end game of the expansions since Cataclysm have been be very tough to predict.

You could tell me almost anything was going to happen in 9.3 and I’d probably believe you. I mean, not really, I know how the internet works, but you know what I mean. We’re definitely following the Jailer to his inevitable conclusion, whether that’s to his death, imprisonment, or another plane remains to be seen.  We’re fighting for control of Anduin on some weird hellplane? Why not. The last battle is on the Frozen Throne? Eh, seems low stakes after the whole of the Shadowlands, but sure. Tyrande’s Night Warrior accidentally merges with something the Runecarver cooked up and now we’re fighting Optimus Prime in a gritty neon future dystopia? I mean, it’s kind of derivative, but I’d go along with it.


KRITH, MY LEAST FAVORITE CHILD

Q4tQ: I know it’s a meme, but I’m genuinely curious: what is happening to our Valor Points next week? Should I spend my available points on mats, or save them?
(hat tip to Nulgar for the question)

We don’t know for sure yet. In patches past, they turned either into a ‘lesser’ currency, like when they turned from heroic dungeon Valor into regular dungeon Justice Points, or they turned into gold.

My bet is gold, but there’s a possibility it’ll turn into something like Stygia or Anima or one of the other billion currencies bouncing around in WoW these days. I’d bet against retaining them, for sure. If you have some kicking around I’d definitely encourage you to spend them beforehand, since the exchange rate, both for gold and other currencies, tends to be terrible.


RED, MY FAVORITE CHILD

R4TQ*: tell me the tale of the Hozen and the buttercream pie.

(*request for the Queue)

Once, there was a young Hozen walking through the Jade Forest who stopped short when he smelled something delicious. He sniffed and he snorted and he sneezed his way toward the smell. An old Pandaren and two small cubs were leaning back contentedly, a now-empty pie plate before them.

“Ah, young Hozen,” said the Pandaren, for his senses were sharpened from years of battling the Mantid, and Hozen are not known for their stealth, “I wish I had some buttercream pie to offer you, but it is all eaten up.”

The Hozen started to shrink off toward the forest to try and find some fruit, but the Pandaren kept talking. “But, our new friend, if you wish to go find more ingredients for us, I may find time to make some more pie for us all,” and the Pandaren quickly wrote out a list. The Hozen snatched the list from his fingers, eager for some delicious pie.

The Hozen went first to the granaries in Valley of the Four Winds because their stores of grain, usually used to make brew, would be perfect for the flour of this pie. When he made it there, the granary was overrun by alementals! He flipped and flew his way through the nasty sprites that had taken over in order to take his prize. He brought back a whole sack full of wheat, but left much of it with the brewers. It was heavy, and he only needed a little. The brewers were quite grateful, since they only truly knew how to brew, not battle.

The Hozen then went to a small farm in the Townlong Steppes which he’d heard about from his friends. Eggs were a tasty treat to a young Hozen, and his friends had crossed the continent to steal some before, but this Hozen had never been so bold. The Pandaren who cared for the coop was wary of him initially, but the Hozen offered to trade some of his flour and a shiny to the Pandaren in exchange for the eggs, which satisfied them both.

The Hozen lastly went to the Yak Wash in the shadow of the Temple of the White Tiger. He worked hard to restore it after a Mogu attack destroyed some of the brushes, and was rewarded both with a jug of sweet, creamy yak milk and a good hosing off.

With his ingredients in hand, the Hozen ran excitedly, but carefully back to the hut in the forest. As he approached it, he caught a scent on the breeze. It was the same sweet smell as before. He ran even faster, and when he arrived, there was the old Pandaren and the two cubs — and a finished pie cooling. He nearly dropped the eggs in his surprise. “But you said you needed more ingredients!”

“I said you could get ingredients for another pie, it’s true. But while it’s important to contribute to such a delicious dish, it’s also important to have compassion for one who has undertaken a long, exciting journey so far from home, and now has many tales to tell. I did not want you to wait for rest, and food. Tell me, new friend, did you enjoy the lavender rinse at the yak wash?” The Pandaren’s eyes twinkled as they cut the pie, and served four slices of buttercream pie with four tall glasses of lemony iced tea.

…frickin Ban-Lu.

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