The Queue: No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Cory

That’s probably the biggest reason why I haven’t turned to a life of piracy on the high seas.

Also up there is a lack of a band of buccaneers including a master swordsman and a giant. Do you know how hard it is to find a pair like that? They’re one in a million for sure. Also, have you seen what the upkeep on a three-masted schooner is? I feel like every bit of booty I collected would probably just go back into the ship! Otherwise, it’d probably be crawling with rodents of above-average sizes.

While I check the balance sheets again, it’s time for — The Queue!

I think I would miss cheese.

I could take that one for the team and never eat cheese again if it meant that Heroes of the Storm returned. It brought so much joy to so many people that giving up on delicious delicious cheese would be a small price to pay for its return. Who am I to stand in the way for some nice melty golden goodness draped over my burger, smothering a baked potato, or covering my macaroni…

As long as I could still have ice cream and milkshakes I’d probably be ok.

As for my last cheese, I’d want to have a really good mac and cheese. Something with jalapenos and chorizo in it so it has a nice kick.

That’d be a fitting one to go out on.

Aerial bumper cars as long as they were just PVE sound doable. That’s basically the quests we have now where you have to run your dragon into other dragons that are flying around the entrance to Amirdrassil, or through swarms of bugs.

PVP bumper cars get a bit trickier when you think about all of the different factors that have to be lined up just right, and we still see issues in players varying lag in regular PVP situations. Do you want to add three-dimensional movement into that and not have people lose their minds — impossible!

Even if it was a unique game interface I still think we’d see issues, after all the Flappy Bird WQ in Bastion isn’t that old either, and I’m sure just by mentioning it there’ll be people who have to take a moment to stare out of a window with a haunted far-off expression on their face. And again that was just one player against the computer!

Sadly I think that aerial bumper cars at the DMF are as far away as jetpacks for everyday travel are.

How do you know what formaldehyde smells like?!

Also don’t judge man, someone told me to get into bodybuilding, I just took a different path than maybe they meant. I did like spending time in Maldraxxus after all. Not enough to pledge to the fraternity there, but certainly enough to pick up a thing or two — and then stitch those things together in an unholy combination of science, magic, and sins against the natural order of things.

Well, everything comes to mind. I don’t want people to do mean things to me! Only I’m allowed to be the jerk because I’m a jerk in like a fun trickster way — obviously.

The biggest one is anything with a knockback. Extra points for a knockback into a yawning abyss where they can have a few seconds to think about what they’ve done. Sadly it always feels like everyone else’s knockbacks have more force than my own. I’ll hit typhoon from right next to someone and watch them hop back a foot. The Druid on the enemy team will sneeze halfway across the map and somehow I’ll be launched back to Warsong Gulch in 2005.

Don’t ask me how they’ve stumbled on such an annoyingly specific time travel. Especially because I can’t actually make any important changes, like buying Bitcoin when it was two bucks, because I’m stuck in the flag room guarding the flag carrier!

Sounds like you’ve got gremlins in your electricity. Now just like other gremlins you definitely don’t want to get these wet, and you probably shouldn’t feed them, even if it’s before midnight.

The good news is that there’s a fix. You just need this handy-dandy gremlin exorcism spell.

First, you’ll need a phone book, I know those are harder to come by these days, but do what you can. The phone book must be from a medium-sized city and from an even year ending in a six.

Next, you’ll need to tear the phone book in half, place the front half on top of the computer, and take the back half deep into the woods. Collect any pine cones you find along the way. When you feel like you’re deep enough, find a tree at least 25 feet tall and place the phone book at its base — pile the pine cones on top of the book.

As you place the last pine cone you need to read out the computer specs in pig-latin while tossing a handful of coffee grounds over your right shoulder with your right hand.

If on the way out of the woods, you see a black bird perched on a stump in your path, you need to instantly turn back and rebuild your pine cone pile. You have to hurry because if you don’t do it fast enough you’ll be trapped in the woods for the next week.

That should fix your issues, good luck!

This is the face of a cat who just spent the day sleeping after waking its owner up at six am. What this means for your vault I’m not sure, but Bacardi is well-rested! At least one of us is…

Today’s Anna Earworm™: Iris

I’ll see y’all next week when we’re finally out of January. I hope that these last few days of January are excellent for you, and that you can help to make Anna’s day more excellent tomorrow by asking her lots of questions!