The Queue: A perfect, pretty corpse

Guys, I hate Astarion.

Like, I hate everything about Astarion except for the nice person who provides his voice and seems quite nice in interviews. That’s Neil Newbon, and I have absolutely nothing against him.

But I, as the person playing Baldur’s Gate 3, absolutely detest Astarion. He tries to knife me the first time we talk. He tries to steal my blood while I’m sleeping. And he thinks he’s way funnier than he actually is. I get why other folks like him. I can see the appeal. But whoo boy do I not like Astarion even a little bit, which is why I love playing with The Dark Urge origin because I’m constantly thinking about killing him.

This is the Queue. Let’s kill Astarion… I mean, let’s do this.

Please note that Astarion is a fictional character, do not kill actual people, even if they’re as annoying as Astarion is. 

Who’s Tyre? Like, do you mean the Michelin Man? I’m pretty sure Paladins are not working with a sapient, animate pile of old tires. I mean, I’m not 100% sure of it, but like, a solid 90% sure.

Also, tires don’t hatch from eggs. They were original made using the sap of rubber trees, but nowadays, most tires are made of layers of materials including synthetic rubber, which is usually made of kinds of petroleum products or otherwise synthesized. No eggs involved. Never have been.

I’m not sure why your guild didn’t tell you that.

Every time you tell one of these stories I have flashbacks to my childhood and I’m really sorry but I’m seriously starting to think you’re raising me from another timeline because that is literally a thing I actually did when I was five.

Oh, and unrelated, but I pronounce it long-U-if.

Just to spite both camps.

You cannot control me.

I go with looks that work with my conception of my character’s personality and aesthetic.

If it looks like something I can imagine the character wearing, then I will come up with a transmog that suits it. The above mog is my kitty! set, it’s the tiger plate that looks like Paladin armor from Mists of Pandaria and two of the 2h sword from The Burning Crusade, the Lionheart Executioner. (And no, not the later versions, it’s the original Executioner model, the one I crafted back in TBC.)

As you can imagine, it’s not a look I use for my Dwarf. For her, I go mostly with stuff that looks like a Dwarf would wear it. I should get her heritage armor, I just haven’t really gotten around to it.

I can agree with Fallen Protectors because I feel bad beating them up, and the Norushen fight annoys the bejhammaron out of me as a tank, and Spoils is just painful to solo just because you have to run around a lot. But rather than removing fights, I’d just make skips for them so players who wanted to do them could still do so.

One of my biggest pet peeves is that I can’t do the bosses from Blackrock Spire that were removed when they updated the dungeon for Warlords, and I feel that way for any revamped dungeon or raid when stuff is taken out. I know I personally liked Malkorok as a fight but a lot of people hated it. So I’d prefer they  not actually remove them, just let us get around them or avoid them, like making the wings that branch off from heading after Garrosh completely optional would be nice but not removing them.

Exalted had Anima Banners. They were an explicit cool factor, they had absolutely no real mechanical impact — they were just big cool flashy displays that Exalted were a big powerful deal and normal mortals should just get the  heck out of their way. One example could be a gigantic image of an emerald tiger that just appears all around you, roaring and swiping at the air, big enough to be seen for miles away.

Now, I don’t want to say let’s go crazy and make WoW unplayable by forcing computers to try and render a gigantic glowing air elemental with six Ashkandi every time I hit Whirlwind, but I would kind of like it if we got some kind of flair like that for every class.

To try and answer more specifically, I think Warriors should get the ability to customize their Enrages. Maybe some Warriors would like to enter the riastradh of the Irish myths, the battle frenzy of Cu Chulainn that made him terrifying to everyone around him, while others would prefer a state of almost meditative, icy calmness rather than a terrible furious berserk state. Nothing that actually made the Enrage more powerful, just color for how it appears to others when you go into it.

Okay, so that’s the Queue for today.

Seriously, this character is always covered in blood. Months and months later, and still, always covered in blood. Every screenshot I take is completely soaked in the stuff. No wonder Astarion follows me around, it would be like if someone wandered my neighborhood throwing Doritos at people.