Potato Shoggoths

Oh, hi disordered sleeping patterns.

Hey, did you know a bag of potatoes could actually liquify in less than a couple of months and turn into a disgusting slurry of decay and putrescence so nightmarish that H.P. Lovecraft would have stopped being racist long enough to complain that you were using too many adjectives to describe it? No? Well it’s true, and the smell it makes will require you to bust out the cleaning vinegar — oh, and by the way, there’s vinegar that comes in cleaning strength, and it smells so strongly of vinegar that you’ll never believe anything could ever smell bad enough that you’d want to use it to clean anything, but by God a bag of potatoes that have gone Super-Shoggoth on you will absolutely do it — and just scrub every surface where the foul abhorrence of undead potato funk has so much as dripped.

I had to throw out the little blender we used to use for pet food because it was just smothered in potato gunk. Something inside it actually cracked when I lifted it off of the cupboard floor. I did not sleep at all last night just from the memory of the smell.

Anyway, here’s the Queue. Rotten potatoes actually smell worse than dead people, something I wish profoundly I didn’t know.