The Queue: Tauren are awesome

I like Tauren.

This is the Queue. Let’s chat.

They’re both dead.

I mean, seriously, Varian didn’t even leave a corpse behind and I have no idea what they did with Garrosh’s body.  It’s at least feasible that Garrosh could come back as a Death Knight or something, but Varian? No, he’s so extremely dead that there’s no way. Just a cloud of drifting ash. The man is extraordinarily dead.

When they were alive, they fought during Garrosh’s invasion of Ashenvale in the novel Wolfheart and despite Garrosh’s strength and size, Varian pretty much had the advantage due to his superior experience. Garrosh was a strong warrior and a very skilled tactician, but in direct hand to hand combat Varian had fought a lot more than Garrosh had and knew better how to cope with someone who outsized him. He routinely killed Ogres during his time in the arena.

But it was a fairly even match between the two of them and you never know. Sometimes the more skilled fighter loses, and Garrosh’s raw power can’t be discounted. He beat Taran Zhu in hand to hand, after all, and Taran Zhu almost certainly had the experience edge over Garrosh. I personally think it would ultimately go Varian’s way, but I could see Garrosh winning in certain circumstances, if they had a one on one duel while they were alive.

But both of them are dead so it would be an extremely short fight.

Look, I’m sure Mages are great, but honestly between the two I find Hunters a lot more fun to play once you figure out the playstyle that works best for you. I just can’t get into Mages. I’d say, my personal recommendation would be Hunter. Especially since it sounds like you’re considering Mage just for the teleport, and honestly, with Hearthstones being so much faster nowadays I really don’t feel like it’s much of an issue.

If you like Mage gameplay better, sure, level as a Mage. But if you think Hunter sounds more fun, don’t level a Mage just for a convenience spell like Teleport.

Man, I remember running progression in Icecrown, and absolutely dreading the Sindragosa fight. Objectively dreading every single line she would utter, knowing that we’d be there wiping on it and having to hear her scream the same lines over and over again. Or woah, the Theralion voice in the Valiona and Theralion fight! That guy, what was he even doing? And wow, back in TBC those buzzsaw arm demons, the Gan’arg and Mo’arg? I could not stand those guys.

What? Sorry, I got sidetracked. Hellfire? The shouty Orc lady? Oh, uh, yeah, I guess that wasn’t great. I kind of tuned out all the shouty Orcs in that place after my two years of constant farming. I still say Ordos is the most annoying boss of all time and that includes his voice acting.

First off, define ‘greater’ for me.

Do you mean which one of them was a better hand to hand fighter? As in, Anduin Lothar in his prime vs. Varian Wrynn in his? I’d probably give that one to Varian. Anduin was help captive by the Ogres in the Deadmines for a while, just as Varian was held captive as a gladiator by the Orcs, but Varian led his gladiator team to victory and eventually escaped on his own while Anduin Lothar was rescued by an Alliance force. Anduin was very good, but Varian was likely simply better. Then again, it could be argued that Lothar was dealing with enemy aliens of unknown capacity and Varian was fighting a foe he knew about. Still, for pure hand to hand I’d give the edge to Varian.

Do you mean as a war leader? In pure ability to inspire his people, Anduin Lothar. In diplomatic ability and the skill to unite disparate forces into a singular army? Anduin Lothar. Lothar was and remains perhaps the singular general of the Alliance, the best tactician, the most skilled strategist. He was so much better than his Horde counterparts that they had to resort to assassination to defeat him in the First War and he created the Alliance of Lordaeron and pushed a victorious Horde force from the very gates of Lordaeron itself all the way back to Blackrock Mountain. Even his dead against Doomhammer proves that while he wasn’t the physical superior to the Orc Warchief, his presence as leader was so great that all the Orc’s victory accomplished was defeating his people faster. Varian never really led the Alliance the way Lothar led it — his actions at the Broken Shore were commendable and showcased his raw fighting ability, as he destroyed a Fel Reaver single handedly and died in defiance of a force that threatened all life on Azeroth.

But his death didn’t unify the Alliance behind him the way Anduin Lothar’s did. This isn’t meant as a slam on Varian — I think he would have been the first to admit that he wasn’t the leader Anduin Lothar was. I mean, he named his son after the man.

But to be fair, the Lothar we saw in the original Warcraft game was already an experienced adventurer who’d been fighting for decades. He, Prince Llane and Medivh had been having adventures and fighting armies of Gnolls and Stranglethorn Trolls for years before Llane succeeded his father as King of Stormwind and Anduin Lothar took over the Brotherhood of the Horse. Most of those adventures are known mainly from a remove, so we’ll never really know how talented Anduin Lothar was as a pure melee combatant. I’d still give the edge in a fight to Varian, but I’d rather have Lothar as my general.

Narrator: He wasn’t.

I’ll be up front — I played a Human in Vanilla and liked it fine, but I did switch to Draenei as soon as I can and today my Alliance characters are all Draenei or Night Elves, so I kind of think I’m sort of on board with ‘Humans are boring’ at least before we got Kul Tirans. I think if the various Human kingdoms had left more or a legacy and we’d gotten unique Gilnean, Lordaeronian, Stormwinder etc etc models, I’d be happier playing as a Human.

Then again, I’m pretty much the exact opposite — I find all Horde races save Tauren to be boring, I think the Tauren are the only cool Horde race, and I wish Tauren were Alliance instead.

As for what would have happened if the Orcs had shown up in Khaz Modan or the Wetlands and atatcked the Dwarves first? The Dwarves would have done what they did when the Orcs marched through on their way to Lordaeron and sealed themselves up inside Ironforge to let the Orcs waste their time trying to take the city. Remember, there wasn’t a Deeprun Tram back then, so no easy way for anyone to sneak into IF the way Varian did, and the Gnomes were close by to provide them immediate assistance while the Orcs wouldn’t have had any allies yet — no Goblins or Trolls, just whatever forces they brought through wherever Medivh brought them in.

Eventually Medivh and Gul’dan would have likely come up with a really evil plan to get inside IF — demonic portals? And the Orcs would have had a big numbers advantage against the Dwarves, especially if the Orcs had managed to assassinate Magni Bronzebeard and send his brother Muradin fleeing south with his infant daughter Moira in his arms to seek assistance from the Humans of Stormwind. The Alliance of Stormwind would eventually liberate Ironforge and put Moira back on the throne, but only after she’d lived out much of her life as a political exile in Stormwind’s Dwarven District. Moody over her father’s untimely death and the death of Muradin at Blackrock Mountain, she’d have eventually been targeted by Onyxia and Nefarian and her husband would have been killed by an uprising of Anvilmar Dwarf masons, leaving her alone with her infant son Muradin, named for the uncle who saved her life and taught her to fight before dying against Doomhammer.

Oh, and the Dark Irons would end up suffering the Plague of Undeath when Thaurissan joined the Lich King, I guess. Thrall would have grown up a slave in a Dwarven mine somewhere, the Orcs would have been held in the former Grim Batol by an ambitious Wildhammer angry over feeling like he didn’t get enough credit during the war, and Doomhammer would have died after freeing the Orcs from Dwarven prison mines. Blackrock Mountain today would be filled with undead Dwarves who threw off the shackles of the Lich King and his Scourge under the leadership of Fenella Darkvire, the Architect of the Dead, who led her people to freedom from the control of Ner’zhul and his slave the Sorceror-Thane Thaurissan. These dead Dwarves, calling themselves the Black Iron, pose a constant threat to Ironforge.

There you go. Hope you enjoyed it. Next time, what if the Tauren led the Horde?

Okay, that’s the Queue for this week. I’ll see y’all next week. I may talk about Enteleodonts.