The Queue: Tarnished

Look, I’m not even gonna pretend like this isn’t the week that we’ll have both Forbidden West and Elden Ring to choose from or that I haven’t stockpiled caffeine in preparation for tonight’s launch. That’s just how it is. We’re in Elden Ring territory now, and the Hype Train is in full swing.

So while we wait for our stop in the Lands Between, let’s enjoy a nice Queue, shall we?

Look at me, not forgetting to include this one! Anyhow, I love this question, but it’s also tough to answer. Part of me leans toward the “purist” angle when it comes to Old Gods, wanting to keep it at the original and not shoehorn in new ones. Buuuuut part of me wants new Old God stories!

So I think with that preface in mind, I’d lean for a new Old God on a part of Azeroth we haven’t been to before (like, say the Dragon Isles), secured in one of those Titan facilities we’ve heard of but never been to (Uld, Ulda, Uldaga, or whatever the real names are). But maybe some faction — a subset of dragons, the Light, a 1 where a 0 should be — are planning to take control of the Old God in a way that would make it worse. They’ve been messing with it for a while now, unbeknownst to most of Azeroth.

So our goal is to actually save the Old God from becoming an instrument of the Light. Once we do, that Old God becomes something akin to, uhh… well, I guess think of it as a giant Old God super processor with all kinds of information on the Light. We’d go back to its/our base throughout the expansion and use it to upgrade/guide us through our attack on a new enemy.

That’s just one way though! A few more thought-starters below:

• The Void starts mass-producing Old Gods across worlds and we need to stop them; occasionally a few are born and become raid bosses.
• All Old Gods reborn, form VOLTRON-like O.L.D. G.O.D. — Ones who Love Destruction and Gotta Obliterate D’Everybody
• Going back in time to see the Black Empire at its peak; witness the birth of Old Gods (even knowing we can’t change history)
• Players discover a new Old God that seems more anti-hero than villain. Old God asks us to keep it a secret and help it because “our goals align”; we then have the choice to pursue different storylines by agreeing or not agreeing to keep it a secret.

Well, Past Roxxi might be a little disappointed you didn’t ask about PTO, but you’re still getting an answer about PTO all the same, so it works out!

I’m doing The Queue today (clearly), I haven’t played 9.2 at all, and PTO is going fantastic, albeit much too quickly. I’ve played video games nonstop, slept on my own schedule, and not thought about work more than what it takes to make sure my inbox isn’t over 200 by the time I get back. I haven’t done the “extra” things I wanted like building LEGOs or reading, but I did go snowboarding yesterday!

I hope 9.2 is fun though. I know I’m sort of quoting myself here, but I’ll get to 9.2 after I’ve played through the games I don’t want spoiled. I’m resigned to WoW being datamined and shared and basically revealed before I’d ever experience it myself; I don’t feel that way about HFW or Elden Ring.

Those are fair points, and it’s sort of one of those things where the fans of the game are VERY excited about it, and they know they want to play it, so their excitement boils down to “more of the thing I know I like!” — endless positive reviews are certainly fueling that fire as well.

But as someone who got into the entire genre about a year ago, maybe I can shed some light on what’s drawn me in so much:

• S-Tier Level Design: It’s fantastic, through and through. The worlds can feel big and daunting, but the devs always find a way to create shortcuts that loop back in ways you never expected.
• It’s Tough, but Doable: Everyone pictures these games as super incredibly intense and challenging… and while they’re not wrong, they miss a bit of what I think makes them so special. They’re not hard for the sake of being hard; they’re hard because the fights require precision and knowledge of the enemy (and yourself) to properly counter. These are the Mythic raid encounters of solo play. They’ll kick your ass 50 times over, but once you understand the “dance,” it’s a matter of following the right moves to the end. It’s also an RPG, so if you need, you’re able to grind your way to an easier fight.
• Deep Lore: This one may be more for hardcore fans, but the Soulsborne games always sprinkle in lore in ways that make you want to know more, and it’s all there to piece together if you want. But part of the fun is seeing the community dissect everything and pull out pieces of lore you never connected, leading to that big “OH!” moment.
• Well-Built Games: At the end of the day, the games are also just really well designed. Some things will, of course, feel janky at times — but overall, everything feels built with purpose. An enemy is where it is because a dev hand placed it there. You fell for that trap because a dev knew exactly when and how you’d let your guard down. You’re debating porting back and calling it quits when suddenly you find a shortcut because a dev knew when you’d be at that point of needing a break.

Even with all of the above, it’s hard to put into words why the games are so excitement-worthy without just saying, “Give one a try for yourself.” Dark Souls 3 and Bloodborne are probably the easiest to start with, and if you like them after, say, 3 bosses or so, you’re going to know if you like the genre.

Well, Zandalari was actually going to be my answer. I guess technically you could count the Kelkis and Magram Centaur ;P

There’s also that whole thing with Yrel which… okay, maybe we need a good betrayal story here. I feel like we’ve had more, but I can’t actually think of any solid ones outside of the Klaxxi.

Help me out, Queuemans!

Thanks, Red. This is the proper way to play the/any game.

That’s all for today! I’m going to be HARDCORE GAMING™ until my body fails me. Please leave plenty of questions for tomorrow’s writer. Cheers!