The Queue: Jaina, Vanessa, and Alleria walk into a bar

Greetings, Queue! It’s a nice day for a drink, or for slaying demons. And I’m all out of demons!

Given people’s reactions to Zaralek Cavern… I don’t know. A lot of people called it claustrophobic. If we add to that what people’s reactions were to Vashj’ir… sweet Yogg, I feel like this wouldn’t be the most popular idea ever.

Zones that “penalize” you for being there in some way tend to be very unpopular — the Maw instantly comes to mind. While just being in a cavern isn’t a penalty in itself, it can be perceived as one. And being underwater, despite all the workarounds that the developers found — such as giving you Sea Legs and the ability to ride aquatic mounts as fast as if they were flying mounts — players still felt somewhat oppressed by the underwater environment.

Personally, I’d be okay with the idea if it was something like a pocket zone. Maybe a small place that you explore quickly, with a single questline there. Even better if there were bonuses that made you want to be there — maybe this underground underwater zone could have your character move really fast, or be able to cast while moving, or get a ton of health and mana regeneration… anything in order to try to give players a positive feeling rather than a negative one.

…buuuut, if I had to decide whether to implement such a zone or not, I’d ultimately veer away from it.

Godzilla roars and lets loose his atomic breath. He seems to have the upper hand…

…until Ysera opens her eyes. It’s godzover, lol. lmao even.

It varies. Some heroes only really work with specific minion types, so when I get one of those, I have to stick to the plan right out of the gate. But if the hero I picked is more flexible, I simply try to make the strongest possible comp for the first few turns, and then let RNG and the flow of the game dictate where I go. Sometimes I’ll end up sticking to that, while other times I’ll be offered a Bream Counter and a Bassgill at the same time all of a sudden, so whoops, guess we’re playing Murlocs now.

For quests, most of the time I pick what I think the strongest one is and adapt my strategy to it, rather than picking a quest that I think will work with what I’m already doing. But, again, there are exceptions.

“The Red Death.”

My crew would wear red masks.

“This bar is full of demons,” said Alleria. “We should kill them all quickly.”

“Wait,” said Jaina. “These demons wouldn’t just show up here in Orgrimmar for no reason; they’re plotting something. It’s not our business to decide what gets done here, but we need to give our hosts a chance to learn something, at least. Vanessa?”

“On it,” said the Rogue, before making the satisfying “swoosh!” sound from entering Stealth and disappearing amidst the bar patrons.

A big burly Orc bartender approached the table. “Harumph,” he grunted at the Human and the High Elf, before spitting on the ground. “What’ll it be?”

“Hello, sir,” said Jaina with a faint smile. “I know it’s unusual for you to see people like us around these parts, but we’re on a diplomatic mission, and I assure you that we’re working for the safety of all, Horde and Alliance alike. It is imp–”

“Yeah, yeah,” interrupted the Orc. “What will it be?”

“My friend was talking,” said Alleria through gritted teeth. Her tone meant business, and her Intimidation check had clearly been a critical success.

The Orc froze and betrayed a deer-in-the-headlights look for a fraction of a second before recomposing himself. “I’m sorry, lady,” he said.

“As I was saying,” continued the Mage, “it is imperative that we make amends for past offenses and forge a new path ahead, since the stakes are higher than ever. So, I’d like to extend a toast to new times. Please, kind bartender, offer a round of your best liquor to everyone in the house.”

The bartender seemed taken aback for a second, but Alleria’s glance made him not even consider protesting. “Right away, ma’am,” he said, before turning to leave.

The bar was filled with cheers as the Orc hurried to serve all the tables the house’s finest — a ruby red Durotar Cactus Apple liquor with a dim aroma of hazelnut and chocolate. The patrons were all boisterous laughter at the free drinks; some licked their lips suspiciously or bared their teeth with excitement in unusual ways. Jaina just smiled, but politely declined to have her glass filled.

Alleria discreetly sniffed her own cup, glanced at Jaina, nodded, and just barely let the liquid touch her lips before putting it down. “Tingly. I’m impressed; she works quick,” said the Huntress.

“You have no idea,” said Jaina — and right as she was done talking, the first “Orc” patron began convulsing and fell to the ground. The others immediately followed suit — stunned, dazed, asleep, they dropped like flies amidst the cacophony of broken glass and spilled liquid.

Their illusions began to fade; one by one, the false Orc visages were dispelled, exposing their true appearances: Felguards and Dreadlords and Sayaads scattered all over the bar floor, paralyzed, dormant.

The Orc bartender gasped in horror just as Vanessa appeared behind him and whispered in his ear.

“Tell your… Council to come quickly, and to bring Warlocks. There’s some cleanup to do here, but we’ll be taking our leave now.”

The Rogue rejoined her peers as Jaina stood up to leave with a satisfied smile, Alleria right behind her.

“We should go out for drinks more often,” said Vanessa.

“Silvermoon next?” proposed Alleria. “There’s someone around that area I’d like to meet.”

Take care, friends, and leave lots of questions about diplomatic missions, hallucinogenic poisons, and V̷̱͖̣̀̾o̶̳̾̑i̸̞̖̲̜̅̈́̕̚d̶̡̗̲̠̒̆-fueled vendettas!