Login with Patreon

The Queue: chandelier

I’ve been looking for a new chandelier for a while now. The one we have is hideous and just needs to be replaced in general, but my sense of style tends to be, generously, eclectic. My usual issue is, I’ll start looking at things, and then I’ll keep looking at similar things, and oh, what about that, and after a while I’ve been looking at similar things for so long, I end up down a rabbit hole where I can’t tell if something is really cool or hideous, or if it’d perfect for my room, or if it completely clashes with every other design decision I’ve made up to this point. I’m also a little bit nervous about what I’m going to find when I actually take down the old one — our house isn’t all that old, but one of the previous owners thought he was far handier than he actually is. It’s been a ride, y’all.

This is The Queue, our daily column where you ask us questions and we definitely don’t answer in metaphors. Anyway, Player Housing is gonna be great, super pumped for that.


The Queue: Halt, 24601!

You’ve become an ace at doing cardio. Kids smile as you jog past them, dogs happily wag their tails, strangers break into song. You can eat as many baguettes as you want: bread doesn’t make you fat.

Suddenly you pass in front of a shop window, and you see your reflection: you realize that you’re wearing a comedic prisoner outfit. Black-and-white stripes, baggy trousers, and the number 24601 plastered across your chest.

At that moment, the sky darkens with heavy clouds, and dramatic music starts to play. Timpani thunder, brass blares, ceremonious cannonballs. A baritone voice can be heard, loud and clear:

“Halt, 24601!”

Inspector Javert barrels into view, running after you, every step a moral judgment. Now you understand why cardio feels so effortless: the universe has turned you into the ultimate sprinter, because running from Javert is a marathon with no finish line in sight, and the audience always asks for another encore.

This is The Queue, where life can be a musical, but that also means life is a musical.


Older Posts Newer Posts


Toggle Dark Mode: