The Queue

I was going to write a depressing “Bad health thing that happened to Ol’ Matthew” post here, but instead, I decided to say hi, talk about how the Blizzard app really hates my computer, and say that I’m back in my Baldur’s Gate 3 BS again. Yes, another Dark Urge. I have yet to play the game as anything but ol’ Durge.

And yes, I really did name the character Thedar Kurge. I wouldn’t lie about that.

Come to K’aresh, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. It’s all white sand beaches and vibrant purple void sunsets, they said. But no one talks about the arcane energy sunburns, the food that smells great but tastes awful, or the fact that we were going to be immediately put to work in the eco-domes. I thought we were going to have a vacation!

But no, it’s just another quest zone with more chores (and more transmog to collect, so I guess it’s alright).

Let’s get Queuing, my friends.

One of the easiest, most straightforward ways to stay informed with my kids’ schools is social media, and many of my friends and relatives are teachers for a bunch different concentrations and grade levels. Now, the algorithm thinks that I’m just broadly interested in education posts. I’m seeing the team of teachers for first grade in Biloxi, Mississippi, and the flier for lacrosse tryouts in Wheeling, West Virginia, and the school lunch graphic for this week out of Missoula, Montana. Meanwhile, I’m not seeing posts from my kids’ schools or my friends back-to-school wishlists. This is fine.

This is The Queue, our daily column where you ask us questions and we’ll give you some answers just as soon as we scroll far enough to see the wishlist my cousin said she posted for her art class. It might be a while.

Cory is off doing awesome things this week, so I’ll be your Queue Keeper on this fine Monday afternoon. I’m excited to be here! I’m excited to be careening around K’aresh in the newest Ethereal threads. I’m excited that I got to talk to Matt and Joe about Jurassic Park for an extended period of time. I’m excited about some of the projects that I’ve been working on. I hope you’re excited too!

Finally. After years of NPCs taunting us with their casual leaning against walls and other structures, with patch 11.2 we finally have the ability to /lean! While slouching against a wall is cool and all SJHawk pointed out in yesterday’s queue comments that it works without a wall, effectively making players mimes! Hopefully this is not the last mime-able emote as /pullrope and /againstthewind — cue Bob Seger — would allow us to further perform mimeish (mime-like? mime-style?) feats.

It’s been a week but it’s Friday so let’s answer some fun and have some questions!

Look, I have no idea. But I know I’ve been playing a lot of Fallout 4 since the Fallout TV series debuted, and I know Fallout 4 is rumored to be getting a new update. This is a game that’s been around for 10 years, and it’s getting updated again.

Meanwhile, Fallout 76 is apparently getting the biggest update it’s ever received, even bigger than Wastelanders, the game that introduced human NPC’s to the game. Again, the likely cause is all the people who loved the Fallout TV show (reasonably so, it’s pretty awesome) and this has me hoping at this point that a Starborn shows up on the show so that Starfield could get some love.

Yes, I’m the only one who liked Starfield, I’m comfortable with that.

I’m spending this patch sitting on a bench with Lorewalker Cho with a bowl of popcorn watching the drama go down. Anyone want to join us?

I’ve been looking for a new chandelier for a while now. The one we have is hideous and just needs to be replaced in general, but my sense of style tends to be, generously, eclectic. My usual issue is, I’ll start looking at things, and then I’ll keep looking at similar things, and oh, what about that, and after a while I’ve been looking at similar things for so long, I end up down a rabbit hole where I can’t tell if something is really cool or hideous, or if it’d perfect for my room, or if it completely clashes with every other design decision I’ve made up to this point. I’m also a little bit nervous about what I’m going to find when I actually take down the old one — our house isn’t all that old, but one of the previous owners thought he was far handier than he actually is. It’s been a ride, y’all.

This is The Queue, our daily column where you ask us questions and we definitely don’t answer in metaphors. Anyway, Player Housing is gonna be great, super pumped for that.

I’m home now and everything is back to normal. I’m typing this on a proper keyboard, in front of a proper monitor, at my proper desk. It’s glorious!

While I try to remember where I left that thing, y’know that thing? It’s time for — The Queue!

You’ve become an ace at doing cardio. Kids smile as you jog past them, dogs happily wag their tails, strangers break into song. You can eat as many baguettes as you want: bread doesn’t make you fat.

Suddenly you pass in front of a shop window, and you see your reflection: you realize that you’re wearing a comedic prisoner outfit. Black-and-white stripes, baggy trousers, and the number 24601 plastered across your chest.

At that moment, the sky darkens with heavy clouds, and dramatic music starts to play. Timpani thunder, brass blares, ceremonious cannonballs. A baritone voice can be heard, loud and clear:

“Halt, 24601!”

Inspector Javert barrels into view, running after you, every step a moral judgment. Now you understand why cardio feels so effortless: the universe has turned you into the ultimate sprinter, because running from Javert is a marathon with no finish line in sight, and the audience always asks for another encore.

This is The Queue, where life can be a musical, but that also means life is a musical.