The Queue

Seriously it is f… it is extremely hot out, and I am unhappy with it. It’s f… ridiculously hot. I’m poached, is what I’m saying. It’s like having Superman shoot you in the face with his Heat Vision, except less immediately fatal.

Somehow Monday has returned.

I swear that it was just Friday, but I blinked and now there’s no weekend left. Which is very rude if I do say so myself. Someday science will progress far enough that we can live a Monday-less existence, but until then we might all feel a little bit like Garfield once a week.

While I enjoy another cup of coffee, it’s time for — The Queue!

And no, the theme isn’t murlocs. Probably. Maybe?

Well, Queue, let’s get right to it.

Look, I go through a lot of steps to come up with a character name. Sometimes I go to Google, turn on the translator, and throw words at it until I get a combination I like. I’ve been playing Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous for years now, and most of my characters are stuck at level 1 because I make a character and immediately come up with a different name.

Oh, and happy birthday, America. I’m sorry you never get to sleep on your day because of all the explosions, and I feel very bad for your dogs.

Mitch may not be currently writing the queue, but his spirit lives on!

Let’s answer some questions before a fight erupts over the title!

I popped in to a store to get more red hummingbird food (my local hummingbirds are spoiled brats) and was simultaneously surprised and overwhelmed that all the summer outdoors stuff has been shoved off into one little clearance corner, while the rest of the seasonal section is now devoted to back to school shopping. I should not have to compare notebook paper rule sizes while slathered in sunscreen.

This is The Queue, our daily column where you ask us questions and we’ll answer because why not, life is relentless anyway.

Happy Canada to you all! Here I am all decked out in the colours red and white in honour of our day. I even spelled honour and colour the right Canadian way and not the weird American way, editorial dictates be damned! (Sorry Liz, don’t fire me!)

Whether you’re Canadian or not, let’s all raise a glass of maple syrup, enjoy a doughnut, hold the door a little too long to let someone through, have a strong opinion about hockey, and say sorry if you bump into someone today.

While you all do that, it’s time for — The Queue!

Friday is always a surprise, showing up without warning. But let’s put on our sunglasses and face the day. Let’s Queue.

I mean, I’ve played every Diablo game. I’ve played Grim Dawn, Wolcen, and Path of Exile. I’ve played Cyberpunk 2077 and I’ve literally used a gun that fires explosive grenades to slaughter an entire gang from up close. My character in Baldur’s Gate 3 is literally an amnesiac murder hobo who spends most of her game time completely covered in blood. Other people’s. That I have liberated from their bodies with big, pointy things. I’ve torn people’s limbs off, thrown people’s heads, flown away as the entire planet Taris was bombarded from orbit and millions died.

“Hello, Peter.”

…I mean, there’s a chance that’s your name — at least a few of you are probably called Peter. But even if it isn’t, that’s okay: my character here is not Doctor Octopus either, he was just modeled after him.

So let’s model this column around answering some questions!